Because, you know, you can’t experience your first time twice.
We asked people who have already experienced losing their virginity how did it went for them and split them into two groups based on their statements.
Here they are:
Group number one:
” Painful and awkward.”
” It was meh.”
” Ugh. The worst.”
And group number two are these types of people:
” It was lovely.”
” Kinda amazing!”
” One of the greatest experiences for sure!”
Our question to you is: Which group of these two do you want to belong to?
It’s completely normal that when doing things you are not familiar with can be utterly stressful. However, having sex for the first time tops all those stresses.
Losing virginity is a kinda awkward, often painful, somewhat nasty, and what-the-hell-should-I-do type of experience.
Fortunately, you are not alone in encountering a current challenge known as – the first time. That path was taken by many people (as you could see above – with pleasant or less pleasant memories of the experience). What is definite is that once you finish with this, the world of unimaginable pleasures and wonderfulness will open for you.
So, let’s see how to get to that “world” in the most painless way possible.
Virginity definition and interpretation
This one might sound obvious, but defining virginity is somewhat complex.
In Merriam-Webster Dictionary, virginity is defined as the quality or state of being a virgin. The word “virgin” means someone who has not had sexual intercourse.
But, does everyone think of virginity in that way? Not really.
The study results published in 2005 by Laura M. Carpenter, associate professor of sociology and expert on sexuality, showed that people mainly consider vaginal intercourse the only way that counts as an act of losing virginity. Beliefs about oral and anal sex regarding virginity were somewhat ambiguous and commonly not considered an “actual” sex act.
A study published in 2001 in The Journal of Sex Research (The ambiguity of “having sex”: The subjective experience of virginity loss in the United States) conducted by the lady mentioned above showed that individuals interpreted virginity in three ways: as a gift, a stigma, or a stage in the bigger process, all of which were linked to different self-presentations, virginity-loss partners, and contraceptive habits.
Therefore, the perspective on virginity varies from person to person, just like its importance does.
We will focus on vaginal intercourse, but it is not superfluous to know how to cope for the first time during other types of sex.
Whatever your friends told you – it doesn’t have to be that way
What would we do without our BFFs and worst advisers ever (but we still love them as they are)? Just remember how many times you listened to them and did some dumb things.
Of course, they want the best for you. But, this is not anything like – should you hook up with that guy or drunk-text him. This is a bit more serious.
Being the one (or only) person in the squad who is still a virgin can often be an object of entertainment and an inexhaustible source of jokes (again, we have to love our friends even though they can be jerks at times). We wouldn’t be surprised if there were jokes like – sell virginity and get rich. It’s not like something like that didn’t happen (and still happens). Fun fact: One guy actually put his innocence up for auction on e-Bay, and the bid reached 10 million dollars. Of course, the auction was removed by e-Bay. Hope we didn’t give you a crazy idea.
Everyone has something to say to you about your chastity – do it with whomever, don’t do it with some irrelevant guy, try this, avoid that, prepare yourself for streams of blood, etc.
Forget. All. That.
Your first time is YOUR first time – we are not all the same. How things will work out depends on many factors, but the most important one is, guess what – YOU.
Whatever your advisors tell you that must be done, just ignore. They are not you, and to feel one hundred percent comfortable with the situation and feelings in those minutes, you’ll have to do you.
No need to panic. Once you finish this article, you’ll see what will most likely work for you and make the whole thing easier.
Prepare mentally to have sex for the first time
It’s normal to be intimidated. You think about your first time as something that doesn’t tolerate mistakes. In reality, that’s far from true. That’s why you need to bear in mind a couple of things before you take that giant step.
- You are allowed to not know things
Talk with your potential partner for this occasion, whether it’s your long-term boyfriend or a guy you fancy and suitable for the role. Don’t be embarrassed to speak about the fact that you never had sex before. On the contrary, your partner can approach you as someone who’s experienced and therefore cause you (mildly said) – discomfort.
- Don’t expect it to be as in adult movies
It is well-known that those are actors and that everything is staged. You don’t have to moan falsely, pretend to have an orgasm or straightforward perform a blowjob.
Also, don’t compare your body (and private parts) to actresses, considering they live from it and invest huge money to make it look flawless.
- It’s okay if you don’t succeed at first shoot
You are narrow down there since nothing ever entered your vagina – so of course, penetration will need to be slow and gentle. Will you succeed at first try depends on ’’your narrowness,’’ communication with partner, and mutual patience. That’s why we recommend you to choose someone whom you trust and know who cares about your feelings.
- You will not have to do it at all costs
Do not think that once you announce to your beau that you’re ready, you don’t have a right to change your mind. If you start making out, and you suddenly decide that it’s not the time – don’t do it. You are not a coward, and your partner has to have understanding. Never give in to sex for fear of losing your chosen one. If partner pressures and blackmails you, then you didn’t choose well.
And consider these things, too
There are other things to consider before getting close to the experience. Here they are.
- You do need a preservative
Catching an STD has never been easier. No matter how hard your partner is assuring you that he’s ’’clean,’’ insist on using a condom. Also, pregnancy is a pretty usual thing that follows after the first time. Don’t complicate things. Just use a condom.
- You don’t need hymen to be a virgin
There is a huge misconception regarding this topic. Women are even forced to test their ’’virginity status.’’ This is a concerning (and disturbing) topic, therefore in October 2018, the World Health Organization (and others) stated that virginity testing must end as it is a painful, humiliating and traumatic practice. And it doesn’t happen only in those far countries, as everyone thinks. It happens everywhere, just under the radar.
Statements like this one are more often than not:
”My hymen was gone before I even had sex because I used tampons, did equitation and gymnastics.”
If you don’t have hymen – so what? Either way, you were planning to get rid of it. You shouldn’t be questioning yourself will your partner have a comment on that.
- …but you might need some lube
Lubricant will make the penetration smoother, which you need for the first time. And it’s a smart decision to use it because you will use a condom (you will use it, right?), and friction will be lesser with lube.
Note: Don’t use lotion or baby oil—it can damage a condom. Emma’s Sex Store has a lot of options when it comes to lubricants, so you might want to do some online shopping before the main act.
- Bleeding can occur
…and it’s completely normal. Your sheets will not be like bloodshed occurred. It’s alright if there’s a little blood here and there. Bleeding may not appear at all if you go through the experience carefully and patiently.
- You don’t have to commit to a relationship
Even if the best outcome is to have your first time with your crush or someone you are long with, losing virginity with a friend or acquaintance is also okay. And if you wish, everything can finish with that. But to mention again, choose wisely.
- It’s not immoral to do it
This one sounds weird because – duh? Obviously, it’s a natural thing to do. But some people see it as a stigma (below mentioned). Whether you are raised in a strictly religious family/surrounding or feel guilty because you plan to do it because other reasons – ignore all that nonsense.
We can’t blame you. Instead, we blame society for stigmatizing people for being or not being a virgin at a certain age. The study from 2009 published by the American Academy of Pediatrics stated that the US government spends about $200 million a year on abstinence-promoting programs, such as virginity pledges. Further, they concluded that premarital sex, sexually transmitted disease, and oral and anal sex habits did not significantly differ between pledgers and non-pledgers—wasted money.
- Your age
In 2012, the Virginia Department of Health published a survey report (regarding the age of the first sexual intercourse ) on a sample of almost 20,000 patients. The results showed that approximately one-fifth of patients reported having sex for the first time between 10-13 years of age. Which is far from good.
The proper age is when you feel ready for it, but it’s pretty impossible to be mature for sexual intercourse at the age mentioned above.
Take your time. You have a whole life ahead of you for having sex. That is our suggestion.
- The hairs are not the scariest thing in the world
You can shave down there if you want and if it will make you feel more comfortable, but some hair here and there is totally fine. You are human.
- Orgasm is not a must – for both sides
But it can happen. If you are heterosexual, according to the research from 2017 done on 52,588 adults in the US, you are 65 percent likely to orgasm. While if you are homosexual, your chances are higher – 86 percent.
But if you don’t, no need to worry – you will, once you master it.
Nor should you expect your partner to reach orgasm. It is a unique situation for both of you.
And – ta-da! The final act!
Tips for the final act
When you’ve informed and mentally prepared yourself for the final act, it’s time to put these instructions into action.
- Make sure no one is home
Be alone in the house when you want to do it to feel as comfortable and liberated as possible. It is preferable to do it in a house and a bed since it is more relaxing and cozy. There’s also a bathroom nearby.
- Make sure you have everything you’ll need
We’ve already recommended lubricant, condoms, and we will add a towel in case of bleeding.
- Arm yourselves with patience
Clarify everything you want with the chosen one before the very act of penetration. Of course, conversation during the experience itself is also desirable. Let patience be one of your main tasks.
- Enjoy petting
Cuddle, kiss, touch the erogenous zones of each other (and yourself), and talk if it makes you horny. Foreplay is a great way to warm up before the main course. You can also watch some good porn. Or skip that part if that would put extra pressure on you.
- Missionary – your BFF
This is a typical pose but perfect for newbies.
At first, try laying on your back and spreading your legs. Let your partner approach you. Keep in mind – trembling is okay. Try not to be overly clamped, and to do so – divert your thoughts on breathing and touching your partner.
- Constant feedback
Don’t act brave if you’re frightened; constantly talk about the feeling you are experiencing. This way, your partner will know is he gentle enough and how he should proceed.
- Keep your focus
No, you don’t need to be a deep thinker during your first time.
We believe you should concentrate on pleasure at that very moment, as not everything is horrific while losing virginity. After a few penetrations by your partner, your vagina will become accustomed to the sensation, and pleasure may ensue. Concentrate on that sensation.
- If necessary, take a break
Don’t put any pressure on yourself. Tell your partner if you’re having a hard time and unwind. It’s also an excellent opportunity to speak with him in better detail on how to move ahead.
When you finish (let’s hope satisfactorily), talk about your experience and – cuddle. You will feel intimate and beloved. Is it necessary to mention that showering is required?
- One more round?
Just kidding. Your partner, on the other hand, might ask you that same question.
That is something we’ll leave up to you.